If you’re a big guy like me, it may mean that you eat at restaurants more than the average person. Smart restaurants know that serving portions big enough to require a survey team are the way to pack in customers. You normally can’t (or at least shouldn’t) eat all that food; but they put it in front of you and finishing it seems like a good idea at the time.
Here are some other restaurant oddities that I find funny and/or sad:
“I’ll have a double bacon cheeseburger with everything, large fries and a Diet Coke.” I’ve placed that order myself (too many times). We’re now so conditioned to ordering a diet drink that we forget how ridiculous it sounds along with the other 3000 calories we’ll be eating. A diet drink also goes good with one of those 2000 calorie monster salads. Those are great with all the ham, bacon, steak, eggs, cheese, creamy dressing and anything else they find in the fridge. I'm at the point where I'm so conditioned to the taste of diet drinks that I don't like regular soda anymore. My conclusion: Keep ordering the cheeseburgers but drink water. It accomplishes the same objective and sounds less diety.
“Would you like hash browns with that?” What’s the problem here? Some breakfast places serve egg dishes with hash browns, others charge extra. We’re talking about 14¢ worth of food. Just charge me 25¢ more and let’s get on with it. Otherwise you look cheap and I look irritated. My conclusion: Skip restaurants that charge extra for hash browns.
“Welcome to Billy Bob’s Food Shack – let me tell you about our Specials…” What the hell are "The Specials?” When you go to a place often and the specials are the same crap every time, what is so special about it? The price usually isn’t so special. The food isn’t any more special than everything else on the menu. More than likely, it’s food they are stuck with or with really good profit margin. My conclusion: Don’t order anything called “The Special”
Everyone knows that having a blog has become huge on the internet. It allows every genius an outlet for his or her creativity. Put another way: “Every idiot now has a village.”
To me, there are two types of bloggers:
People who are passionate about something and want to persuade you towards their way of thinking
People who “think” they could have been writers (mainly comedy) and end up writing mindless crap that nobody cares about.
Guess which one I am.
I suppose I am excluding pros that really write for a living but somehow, I think I can jam anybody that writes a blog into one of the above two categories.
In a technical sense, I write for a living. All day long I write emails, programs, specifications, proposals, letters, marketing materials, etc... My entire day is spent mouse clicking and typing while simultaneously on the phone. By the time the day is done, I’m usually out of steam to write some more.
Some people have more than one blog and post new entries every day. I cannot imagine the time that must take. I can hardly think of something worth blogging about once a month. The bigger problem is: once you get on that roller coaster, how do you get off? If your daily blog changes to weekly or monthly, it’s kind of admitting you aren’t as smart or creative as you thought. You don’t have as much to say as you’d like to think. Basically, you ARE the loser everyone thinks you are.
Inevitably, people want to keep cranking out the text and they resort to a brand of drivel that sounds like the family newsletters that I’m sure you’ve seen.
Little Timmy lost a tooth while we were on vacation near the worlds largest garbage dump. Next week, Ed starts his new job testing and categorizing cow manure. And, our cat “Pickles” is going to have kittens again…
I’m sticking with low expectations so I don’t hurt myself.
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