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Frank Mahony: They Fucked Up my Mid-Life Crisis


Frank Mahony

Frank Mahony

They Fucked Up my Mid-Life Crisis

11/30/2012   Comment on This

I’m of that age where I should get to have my Mid-Life Crisis. It’s a rite of passage just like getting a driver’s license or kissing the first person of a gender that interests you (damn I hate this new politically correct terminology!)

The “Mid-Life Crisis” is an expected part of our culture and I just wanted what I am “entitled” to like everyone else.

One woman is more than enough trouble, so I wasn’t going that route. Instead, I was thinking I’d go for the cars and toys route. I’m not a “bright red” Corvette kind of guy either, so I was kind of looking forward to something more subtle - like a dark charcoal-grey Porsche 911 Turbo (I’ve wanted one of those since I was 16).

However, I don’t know if you noticed, but over the last 4 years, we’ve had the shittiest economy since the Great Depression and that really pours some ice water on a Mid-Life Crisis.

What rotten, bullshit timing...

So now, I’m worried about college tuition, mortgages, new taxes and retirement savings. What kind of stupid Mid-Life Crisis is this?

I’m trying to keep my 130k miles 2002 Ford Explorer running when I should be recklessly flying through town at 90mph in a sports car getting tickets.

I should be buying $2000 Canali suits at Nordstrom but instead I got 20% off on new underwear at Kohl’s.

I should be hanging out in bars drinking too much expensive Scotch and “Living It Up” but instead, I’m... hanging out in bars drinking “sort of” expensive Scotch while trying to display a last semblance of dignity.

This sucks.

I really need someone/something to blame for this situation and it has to be: Congress and The Banks.

Between the two of them, they drove this country off the cliff and into the crapper and gypped me - hard.

If a guy was standing in front of me with a sign on his chest that said “Congress” or “The Banks” – I’d kick him in the balls.

That’s how mad I am.

Ok, enough bitching - back to work for me!

I guess I need to figure out how to fix the economy myself so I can pay for my crisis and not worry about it. I’ll probably be the only guy having a Mid-Life Crisis at 90 – but that’s life.



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